Why I'm Over The Bar

I just wanted to throw this out there. I'm over the bar. I've been over the bar for a while. Here's some common things that run through my head before, during, and after a bar experience. 

Before:
What do I wear to this place? I look weird in this. I look weird in this too. I guess I'll just wear a flannel and jeans. Shit. I just found out this place isn't a dive bar. Okay, a black tank top and jeans it is. Alright, heels. Why do we even wear these? I'm going to have a blister in a half hour, but whateverrrrr. Okay, gonna be late. Lipgloss. Keys. ID. Go!

During: Alright. Maybe this will be kind of cool. I came here to see you. Hi. I can't hear you. I can't even talk to you here. I guess I'll get the $2 blue moon. That is NOT enough orange. "Can I have extra orange?" Thanks. There we go. Okay. Where's my friend? Over there. 
-we will probably have some weird choppy conversation because everyone keeps coming to say hi and I don't even really like these people.... Now my voice hurts because I've been yelling all night. A $30 bar tab later, I'm ready to go. Get me out of here. It smells weird and the music is bad and I'm just ready to go. No, I don't want to come to your after party. Thanks. Oh, but you want to go get wings? Alright. I will do that. 

After: I should not have eaten those wings. I just want my pillow. I smell too weird to lay on my pillow. I should shower first. I should also make ramen first. And have a piece of chocolate. Or 10. Okay, bed. Wait, should I set my alarm for the gym in the morning? 

Day after: 
My mom keeps asking me if I'm sick because I have no voice left and she also keeps asking me if I had gluten. Yes mom, I drank my gluten. Again.... And I missed a day at the gym. 

Soooo, next time I say "no thanks" to the bar, that's why I'd like to pass. Please, let's do something else. 

> Some unsolicited dating advice in case you need it: Inviting a girl out for drinks shows a real lack of creativity. If you want to attract a quality person who is fun and has ideas, you're going to have to be fun and have ideas. Don't ask the cute girl from the gym if she wants to go out for drinks! Ask her if she wants to go do something fun. The creativity will catch her off guard, and she will probably say yes. And you both won't be hungover for the gym in the morning. Hoo-rah!